six months later | day 182 of 2013
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”
— Joseph Campbell
Today, we say happy birthday to Canada.
And I begin writing again, after a six-month absence on my blog. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing…in my head. Ideas are always forming; random words always evolve into sentences, into paragraphs, and into what seem like could be semi-interesting writing pieces that I can reflect on
months years later and be relatively proud of. Finally, I’m writing. Is this evidence of how desperately I need to unwind? Finally, I have time, to myself, to sit in front of my computer on my day off and let words flow through my fingers onto this clunky keyboard.
This long weekend has been one of mixed emotions. I only returned from an incredible week of vacation with my boyfriend one week ago today. It was our first holiday together; one that we had been counting down to for some time. We both desperately needed to disconnect and unplug, from our work, from the hustle and bustle of the metropolitan city. It’s still hard to believe we have already experienced our first vacation alone despite having only dated for several months. I’m beyond ecstatic that we did.
There’s no getting used to a relationship of long distance. After a week together, uninterrupted, in one of the most beautiful and relaxing places I have ever been, it’s been even tougher coping with being apart this past week—the first of three consecutive weeks, the longest time we would be physically apart since we began dating. Thankfully, the distance between Toronto, CA and Cambridge, UK is shrunken dramatically by technology; just a few hours ago, we Skyped for nearly an hour and caught up on all of last week’s events in both of our lives. I suppose my parents must be experts at this, this long distance thing, what with making the Pacific seem non-existent with daily phone calls and now daily text messages for over a decade.
But I never thought I would be in a long distance relationship.
No, I should rephrase: I never thought I would be in a long distance relationship at this point in my life.
Let’s try that again: I never thought I would be in a relationship at this point in my life that, from day one,
threatens to begins with over 5,000 kilometers between us.
As much as I despise the distance and protest being apart, I remind myself that our separation is healthy. Not for one second do I take him for granted, and I’m grateful we are able to communicate as much as we already do. (Despite all the pouting and eyelash-batting that I do. Sorry, babe.)
Minimal communication due to his hockey tournament this past weekend was not easy. I’m so accustomed to everyone and everything being so constantly accessible, 24/7. In addition to the mountain of other stress-causing factors, being unable to get in touch and be reminded that I’m wanted and loved seemed like another thorn in my side. The lack of reassurance seemed detrimental—but to what? For what reason?
This all seems so silly. The need for reassurance, the need to be so excessively connected all the time. I remind myself that I did not for a second feel the need to reach for my smartphone while I was in Punta Cana. I remind myself that for an entire week I forgot about logging onto Twitter, or that I even had a Twitter account. I remind myself that there are little things that I can concern myself with, like things immediately in front of me, like my messy room that I should take the time to clean (or my game of Candy Crush Saga that now has full lives. Just kidding. Sort of.)
And as I continue to type while wondering what the point is to this blog post, I realize the time I’ve wasted after dancing back-and-forth from my computer to my bedside window in hopes of catching a short glimpse of Canada Day firework from a nearby park every time I heard booms of explosion. There is still so much to do before I head to bed. This day has not been as productive as it could have been, not that I had very many plans. I needed a full day to myself. The only thing I intended to do today was Skype with my boyfriend. That, I successfully accomplished. Yay?
There are so many things present in my life today that I would not have guessed would happen to me six months ago. I could not have planned for any of this. I lead a far-from-perfect life, but I know I am privileged, happier, and more successful than a lot of people I know. I don’t intend to sound pompous when I say I’m successful…but to have a loving, healthy family, a magnificent boyfriend who still cares for me from across the Atlantic, and an incredibly fun job, what more could I possibly ask for?
Nothing. I couldn’t.
To new friendships, new challenges, new opportunities, a new life.